Been gone awhile.  Off to Cancun for a family vacation.   Plenty of funny stories that has me starting to put pen to paper on a new book. 

Book sales are going well and I keep on getting great reviews on Amazon.com  Glad everyone seems to be getting really good belly laughs.

Few jokes people have sent me:

A drunk was in front of judge.  The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking."   The drunk says "OK, let's get started!"

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?  Because they're worth it.

Patient: "Doctor, I have ringing in my ears"    Doctor: "Don't answer"

One of the best parts of writing this book is that I've reconnected with a lot of old friends. People from Japan, people from college and high school, etc. It's been great to talk to people who I haven't talked to in years and then when we do talk/email, it's like no time has past.

One of the strangest things as I've been out and about during the day during book promotions, is the people you meet Mon-Fri also out and about.  For so many years, stuck in an office building from 9-6, I never really got to see the humming of the rest of the world doing their daily things at supermarkets, banks, post offices, etc.  Not sure if it's a summer thing or not, but I've met people that say theyare teachers or strippers during the day shopping it's amazing.  I play a fun game trying to guess which one they are.

A good friend of mine sent me some oldies, but goodies:

"Someome stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it.  The thief spends less than my wife."

"We always hold hands.  If I let go she shops"

"I was just in London--there is a 6-hr time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy.  When I go to bed, I'm hungry."

It’s been fun trying to sell the book as I’m working with a number of Book clubs and temples.  Also, getting some t-shirts/shirts made up with the book cover both for a walking billboard for me as I stroll around town and for sale on the site.



 As a strange aside, I drove thru a fast-food restaurant yesterday and they had a big sign that said “The PU will be closed at 11PM”   Does any restaurant want the phrase “P.U.” associated with it?



One of my readers sent me this joke the other day:

                                                First Time

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.  Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

All is going well as I'm getting lots of great feedback about the book.  It was fun last week going into my local bagel shop where I happened to have 3 books for some friends I was seeing later.  After 5 minutes, the waitresses and some customers were buzzing about the book title/cover as the book was very visible on my table.  I sold 10 books in 10 minutes.  Went back the next days and pretty much the same story. Biz is good but I've gained 5 pounds--off to a deli now and my nutritionist.

Being sent some funny jokes which I'll share in the blog.

TWENTY DOLLARS



On their wedding night, the young bride

approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.



This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.



Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer

was going through a process of corporate

downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they

were financially ruined.



Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty

years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly$1 million. Then she

showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million,and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.



She explained that for the more than

th ree decades she had "charged" him for sex,these holdings had multiplied

and these were the results of her savings and investments.



Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3

million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"



That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when

to keep their mouths shut.

Welcome to my blog! 

My boxes and boxes of books showed up recently much to the angst of my wife who can barely see our guest bedroom now.  She wants to know where her Mom is going to stay.  I suggest a nearby hotel instead which is definitely the wrong answer---not the first wrong answer by me today by any stretch.  She wants me to put the books in the garage and work out of there, but I tell her I might be overcome with carbon monoxide poisoning--the strange smile that comes across her face scares me.

I was so excited when the truck showed up with all the books.  As I was carrying the books in(well, not me but the driver) the phone rang and I rushed to the phone assuming it was probably Oprah tracking me down.  It turned out to be Uncle Irving from Long Island wondering when he was going to get his free book.  I asked if he had a webcam of my garage as I was stunned about his timing.

I'm going to be including some funny jokes in the blog going fwd that I have received over time, so if you have any that you would like to see featured feel free to email me at arnie@whyjewsdontcamp.com 

Got to go now, I hear boxes being moved.